TF109 | Spouses | Big Sky, MT
A NOTE FROM THE TASK FORCE DIRECTOR…
After volunteering for several Task Forces prior to this, I had the absolute pleasure of leading my first Task Force last week. It's easy to let fear and anxiety creep in leading up to a TF, but all of that quickly fades away as you begin to meet your recipients at the airport, and this TF was no different.
It’s hard to put into words what our week entailed, but what started as a group of mostly strangers, ended with lifelong friendships and bonds. What started as small talk, ended with tears, heartfelt conversations and breaking down walls of years and years of emotions. We had several women who had never skied before, but by the end of the week, you’d never even know it. Fears were conquered and trust was formed, allowing us to have an amazing week filled with laughter and tears alike. These ladies took full advantage of a week to themselves and soaked in all the beauty that Montana has to offer.
Thank you to everyone who made this week possible. To the Ryan Family, we couldn’t have asked for a more perfect house to spend the week in. Your donation helped to make our Spouse Task Force so special, and we are forever grateful to you. Thank you to our volunteers for giving so selflessly of your time and helping to create a week of adventure, relaxation and rejuvenation for these women. To the recipients, thank you for trusting us and for showing up. Your hard work as military spouses will never go unnoticed, and I’m so thankful to have been part of this week with you. You have lit a fire in my soul and given me a new perspective on life. I love each and every one of you and can’t wait to continue the friendships that were made.
It was truly an honor to be part of this Task Force.
Thank you from the very bottom of my heart,
Kristi McCain
TF 109 Director
VOLUNTEERS TO THANK
Kristi McCain [Task Force Director]
Kristen Carlson [Assistant Task Force Director]
Heather Boyce
Liz Schwing
Jenn Alpard
PATRIOTS TO THANK
The Ryan Family [Donated their beautiful home]
The Yellowstone Club [Ski Passes + Dining]
Marci Gehring [Delicious, homemade meals]
Big Sky Natural Health [Discounted IV Therapy]
Melissa Culver [Most amazing cookies]
ANTHEM Snacks & Wild Society Coffee [Welcome bag donation items]
“This January, I was invited to attend a Task Force with Big Sky Bravery.
Being a Gold Star Spouse, I was humbled by the inclusivity and intentionality of the invite, as this program is for those that are still Active Duty. Even four and a half years later, my late husband Peter, is still honored as a part of the SOF community and I am still included as a spouse of the SOF community. It is a loving reminder that my partnership to Peter in marriage, and my support of his career as a Pararescueman, did not go unnoticed as I was there the day he left for Basic Training to the day they buried his body at Arlington National Cemetery.
Big Sky Bravery’s motto “for those who remain in the fight” is not only for our Active Duty SOF. It equally applies to their wives and children as we also get to have the choice to remain in the fight whenever hardships are brought our way.
Our hardships with the Active Duty SOF lifestyle ended abruptly on October 8, 2019 with Peter’s death, thrusting me into the hardships of widowhood with my two and a half year old son and my daughter that I was four months pregnant with at that time. Everyday I get to choose whether or not I remain in the fight of doing widowhood well by loving God and loving others. Grief ebbs and flows, so I am so appreciative for organizations, like Big Sky Bravery, that give respite to each of their Task Force recipients, no matter their current home situation.
Fun, adventure, and intentional conversations are a rarity in my daily life, being a solo mama of two young children. During these Task Forces the balance of fun, adventure, and intentional conversations with ten women is orchestrated perfectly. The conversations in the evening, while we are relaxing on the couch, lead to follow-up conversations on the ski-lift the next day.
Having a one-to-one ratio of volunteers to recipients makes you feel loved and cared for, exactly where you are in each moment of the day.
I have made life-long friends by going deeper with the friendships I already had and with the new friendships that I made, by sharing tears of laughter and tears of sorrow over the course of six days.
Peter and I were a part of the Active Duty Rescue/SOF community for over eight years, with two full deployments, countless TDYs, three DITY moves, and more. Now that I am in a season of reflecting on my marriage, I am passionate about supporting others in their current marriages that are still living that Active Duty SOF lifestyle.
These Task Forces are vital and necessary for our community by setting up a safe place to peel back layers, without repercussions, and to see where our hearts really are in that season.
I look forward to encouraging and challenging other spouses, as well as their Active Duty SOF member, to attend one of these Task Forces.
Big Sky Bravery, thank you for all that you do in our SOF community. I will speak of your organization all of my days.
-E.”
“Part 1: Thank you.
Thank you to everyone involved at BSB for the most amazing week ever. To everybody behind the scenes and at the office, I know how much planning and logistics are involved and I am truly grateful for all your time and effort. To the incredible volunteers, I love you all and will cherish our time together always. Thank you for pampering us at every moment, for sharing your time, and most importantly your hearts with us. Your vulnerability and wisdom allowed us all to feel safe and to connect. To Kristi our leader, thank you for bringing a sense of calm every day to each activity and for guiding us so brilliantly throughout each task. You also have phenomenal van driving skills and I will always be in awe of you. Also a special thanks to my ski buddy Kristen who made my week so memorable and treated me like a princess. Our chair lift chats were their own type of therapy along with laughter, and it was really special to spend time with someone who had been in my shoes. I am also now listening to Celine Dion on repeat!
Thank you to the incredible owners of the most beautiful house in the world, for so graciously opening their home to us. What a gift to stay somewhere so beautiful, it was like out of a movie and I will never forget those pillows! Thank you to all of the amazing donors who contribute so generously to the organization to allow us to benefit. I am forever indebted and blessed by your kindness.
Part 2: Crying ugly tears.
Where do I begin talking about my Big Sky experience and what it has meant to me. The mentality I have of ‘carry on, everything will be fine’ is something I am proud of, and it can be a real attribute, but at the same time, can make it hard for me to understand my struggles and allow them to feel important.
I have an amazing and blessed life so how can I feel so sad, lonely, and worried? I have no right to feel that way. Yet, the last few years I have felt exactly that - sad, depressed, and desperately lonely and isolated.
I am so proud of my husband but have also felt resentful that his job takes him away. With young children, postpartum depression, and my amazing husband gone most of the time, I felt like I was drowning. With all my friends and family living away and no support community from my husband’s work, it has been a really challenging time for our family. Knowing that I need to support my husband and that I want to, but really feeling that I couldn’t, that I wasn’t strong enough to keep doing this with him gone so much.
Spending this last week with the BSB women and other spouses was truly the most incredible experience that I will never forget. The safe space that was created for us allowed me to open up in a way that I wasn’t expecting. Day by day, I felt safer and more comfortable as I got to know these other beautiful women and hear their stories and struggles.
I felt so supported and seen and understood.
By day 3, there was no more ‘carry on’ mentality like I arrived with.
I was ugly crying to a room of women who simply held space for me and then offered genuine support, encouragement, and love. It is hard to explain how therapeutic that whole experience has been for me to really be able to share what’s been on my heart.
We have all laughed and cried together this past week and built a deep connection and friendship that is hard to put into words. BSB has allowed me to forge relationships that will carry me forward for the future, and I am beyond grateful for that. I feel a real sense of family with the BSB organization itself and my husband and I both feel like we have their support in every way and that feeling is so precious to us.
My husband is about to deploy again and is going to be gone a lot more over the next five years. I now feel like I have the strength and support to be there for him and our family when I previously felt depleted. This experience has provided me with the time to really think, to rest, to be in the beautiful mountains, to open up and make deep connections. I have returned refreshed and with the right mindset to move forward. As my husband starts his new role and we embark on this next chapter, I feel stronger and valued, and I know I can support him and our family better than ever.
Thank you for creating a retreat so special and unique. Thank you for making me ugly cry. Thank you for making me feel seen and appreciated. Thank you for sending me home stronger than ever. Thank you for supporting my husband and our family the way you do.
Forever grateful.
S.”
“What an amazing week filled with incredible women! Big Sky Bravery could not have come at a better time. I was able to recharge and go home ready to be a better mom, wife, friend, and coworker.
This week helped me build and restore some confidence in myself.
I pushed my limits and accomplished some goals that I would not have normally had the chance to do. The team of volunteers were all so supportive and kind, I am so thankful for them and to Big Sky Bravery for the chance of a lifetime.
-B.”
“10 strangers picked to live in a house together to share their deepest fears, struggles, and successes. A safe space for real conversations; to cry together, laugh together, learn from one another, and walk away with an unspeakable bond.
TF109 was everything I never knew I needed.
From day one, I was overcome with an overwhelming sense of emotion. For the first time in my adulthood I had the mental space and capacity to sit back and reflect on the most common question, “how are you?” I am walking away from TF109 with a rejuvenated spirit. My deepest gratitude goes to the BSB community for the outpouring of love and support of the special operations community and their families.
-S.”
“What an extraordinary opportunity I was blessed with.
The moment I met the Big Sky Bravery volunteer team I was embraced like we had been dear lifelong friends. The fun and adrenaline rush I experienced skiing those breathtaking, physically demanding mountains in Montana has inspired me to give myself permission to reach for a more fulfilling life! I have found gratitude in the meals, laughter, tears and encouragement that turned strangers into family.
-S.”
